Tom Cats

Omg. Tom Cats. Outside in my back garden. Howling!!! Well I was at a loss of what to do yesterday at 5am, so I went to my daughters bedroom window and opened it slowly and asked the cats their business' Hey kitty. Are you lost? Would you like some food maybe? Poor kitty. Now Mr Kitty, please stop howling outside 'cos I'm tired, and I havent slept in the night for ages, and you are sooo pooping my party.' and off I go, back to bed.

6am - 'rrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrOOOOOOOOOOOwWWWWWWWWWWWWWllllLLL'

I pretend I am in a palnet surrounded by howling cats, and the only way I will sleep is by listening to them serenade me.

7am-

'SSSSSSSSSSSSSSsssssssssssssssssRRRRRRRRRRRRoooooooooooWWWWWWWWWWWWLLLL

CCCCCCCccchhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiioooooooollllllllllllwwwwwwwwlllllllll'

Ok now I'm pissed. I get up and go to my back door. I arm myself with a wooden spoon and a small roll of black tape. I open door, throw spoon, get a pot shot. Cat runs away. But now I remember that my Tesco.com order is due at 9am and if I go back to sleep I will miss it. So I have a bath.

Tom Cat reappears and howling destroys my precious watery solitude. I try to finish bathing, but this fails so I wash hair, get out and return to back door. I still have the black tape and as an extra precaution have gathered various kitchen utensils and general implements of evil peace-breaching Tom Cat destruction.

At this point, I would like to add that I love cats. I am totally unmalevolent towards any animal. But when I have been rudely awoken and disturbed, I am not the most forgiving person.

There is now two Tom Cats. They are fighting.

I use my ammo.

Bye Bye Tom Cats.

5pm - Tom Cats are back. Scott tears himself away from XBox live to go to the window (unbeknownst to me) and bark like a dog. I poop myself and jump up high in the air.....

Its now 6.05 am UK time. I am still awake. There is still Tom Cats..........